[I recommend going in numerical order with the Episodes. They build on each other.]

Episode 30 contains the full resource list.

A High Control/High Demand Group can seem like a purely intellectual concept to someone who's never been in one. But to be IN one, is a unique experience. There is a certain feeling of safety, identity and righteousness. While there can be a great deal of constraints, abuse and punishment, overall there is a sense of belonging to something great. Something profound. Inside, you have the answers. Inside you have what no-one else has. The 'Secret Knowledge'. I've been in a few of them. It's pretty much the same. You KNOW you have the answers the rest of the world DOES NOT. And your answers... are going to save humanity.

A number of different times in a number of groups I have seen defections. It looks very different on the inside than the outside. Inside, you know immediately that those that leave have lost their way. Some darkness has come over them. How did you fail them? And if they say anything that goes against the doctrine, you are puzzled and horrified. My God!! They really didn't understand what we were doing! 

Soon you hear murmurings of their bad and ignoble actions and possible criminality and before long, in your mind, they are full blown criminals. And you know this, because your superiors have told you. And there is great safety in knowing your superiors are right. Their names are spoken in hushed tones and you don't notice you're speaking about them in ways that your doctrine says you should never speak about anyone. But in the end it is justified. They are the infidel.

Now... as a Defector... I am the infidel.

The first few weeks of my defection were filled with fear. My psyche ripping away from a familiar 'safe' prison. I was torn between worlds. I was physically out... but my psyche was still wedged inside and extricating itself loose.

I prepared a 'statement' of what I thought they would say about me. I imagined a fantasy memo sent out to everyone on the inside about me. It went something like this:

As some of you know Mark Vicente recently resigned. Given his position and influence it is imperative that we help manage the doubt and insecurity that may follow, especially amongst the lower grades. As such, here is a guide to help deal with questions that may arise. Help bring everyone to clarity about what is ACTUALLY going on.

Reasons Mark Vicente left:

• He never overcame his worldly attachments and in the end his need for a career was his achilles heel. He called it his dream but it was really just an attachment.

• He never embraced honor and nobility.

• He never understood the tribute of others. He clung to pride and wouldn’t humble himself.

• He was too weak to endure the adversity of the mission.

• He got confused about the spiritual path.

• He wants to live a life of comfort and ease.

• He was too attached to his wife.

• He is too dependent and can’t think for himself. His wife had undue influence over him.

• He is too emotional and reactive and refuses to do the work to be emotionally even and consistent.

• We thought he was family…. we were wrong.

• He couldn’t see the larger vision.

• He didn’t want to grow anymore.

• He balked at the spiritual path and lost his way.

• He’s off on a sabbatical for a while.

• His pride led him to be a suppressive.

I never sent it to anyone. There was no point. Also it was mild in comparison to what would ACTUALLY be said about me and the things that would ACTUALLY be DONE to me.

The first few months were a wasteland of disbelief and betrayal. It was as though I was transported back to the times of the inquisition. It was so fast. One week I was a man admired. The next week... I was in league with Lucifer.

https://memes.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/70f5a7c8-6588-40f6-9b1c-e7a8076fdf74#r1MPgiIg6W.copy

But, notwithstanding the horror I was becoming aware of, there was a priceless freedom of mind I began to experience. Next, a lighter look at High Control/High Demand Groups.

To be continued...

Mark Vicente ©2017